So... I did not meet with my midwife today as planned. She has been attending a birth since last night (not lil’ April’s, obviously!) So tomorrowit is… Bright and early, or well, 9:00 a.m. anyways...
We will all be meeting and through ultrasound will be able to see how the placenta is aging, as well as make a plan as to how to move forward. I have been anxious and restless for the last few days (and nights) and hope tonight I am able to get the rest I will probably be needing here shortly (if you think of it, pray for me, for that, specifically, could you?). While I don’t have many answers, I do know that I will be meeting this little miracle, soon...
And, hey, while you are praying… Could you lift this family up in your prayers? (several of you have e-mailed me tonight about them, and while I do not know everything, here is what I do know):
The Bolte’s have already lost two sweet babies, and just had a little girl named Hope a few days ago, who appears to have some kind of skin disorder (again, I do not know all of the details). Please keep the Bolte’s in your prayers during this time. Click here to visit their blog.
Okay, and now can I gush for a minute about D as well as share something on my heart about a little 4 letter word; L-O-V-E?
(Oh, good, I thought you’d say yes!)
Now, I won’t get into all of the details, but let’s just say that before D came into my life in any romantic fashion, I was in no way looking for romance. In fact, I was kind of, ahem, repulsed by the notion. Life events that had taken place before the time of "me and D," were hard, and to just put it all out there; made me see men pretty equal to dirt (how is that for honesty!). Ha.
No, really, that is how I felt.
And then I watched a movie with this guy friend D and while it was just a movie, I couldn’t help but continually look over at him and wonder…
Now, I will spare you all of the details, but like I have touched on before here, obviously at some point, the wondering became more than wonder alone, and fast-forward and here we are. And while, of course, April still being with us is the most unexpected thing, what D has done to my heart is a close second.
And, oh, what a conflict, considering our faith differences. I could write a whole post on it, from someone whohas been is there. But just briefly; I’ve loved D for months. I love him because he is April’s Dad. But I also love him for countless other reasons. D has been there for me when I, at times, have lost my sense of hope. Christian or not, he has reminded me that life goes on, and while I can’t see the future, I do know that I can’t imagine my life without him in it.
Yeah, I did give up my integrity for a man, and it was completely wrong. Yet, at the end of the day, I feel like D is the one thing I got right.
And last night as I sat on the couch next to him watching one random movie after another, to pass the time (I/we do a lot of that these days), I realized something incredible… D not only gets me, and I him, but he hears me and speaks to me even in the silences. If that isn’t love, I am not sure what is. See, I don’t just love D. I am in love with him.
So what is the problem, you ask?
Well, those faith differences. Those, are huge.
Oh, don’t you just wish we could magically make someone a Christian?
I do, because I love this guy I speak of and this would be a heck of a lot easier if him and I were doing this together, relationally, more than just as friends who have crossed lines.
But throughout all of this (in particular tonight) the question that God has continually put on my heart which has shown itself more than that wonder, those feelings and emotions is simply, “Who and/or what do you really love?”
And last night as D spoke to me in the silences and I looked at him and knew all the emotions behind my smile and my eyes, I was reminded that who I was (before I became a Christian) is no longer. Who I am in Christ is what is now. And that isn’t a one time change. It has been a change that has had to occur within meevery single day (at times, hourly, and even minute by minute) as I choose to allow Christ to be my first love.
Many of you have e-mailed and asked about what will happen in the future with D and I and I won't pretend to know the plans that God has for us. - Together? Apart? - I don't know, but He does and I can rest in that for tonight. Truth be told, I am in love with Him. I am also in love with him. But capital “H” beats little “h” every time.
It is worth the time to consider it... Isn't it? ... “Who and/or what do YOU really love?”
We will all be meeting and through ultrasound will be able to see how the placenta is aging, as well as make a plan as to how to move forward. I have been anxious and restless for the last few days (and nights) and hope tonight I am able to get the rest I will probably be needing here shortly (if you think of it, pray for me, for that, specifically, could you?). While I don’t have many answers, I do know that I will be meeting this little miracle, soon...
And, hey, while you are praying… Could you lift this family up in your prayers? (several of you have e-mailed me tonight about them, and while I do not know everything, here is what I do know):
The Bolte’s have already lost two sweet babies, and just had a little girl named Hope a few days ago, who appears to have some kind of skin disorder (again, I do not know all of the details). Please keep the Bolte’s in your prayers during this time. Click here to visit their blog.
Okay, and now can I gush for a minute about D as well as share something on my heart about a little 4 letter word; L-O-V-E?
(Oh, good, I thought you’d say yes!)
Now, I won’t get into all of the details, but let’s just say that before D came into my life in any romantic fashion, I was in no way looking for romance. In fact, I was kind of, ahem, repulsed by the notion. Life events that had taken place before the time of "me and D," were hard, and to just put it all out there; made me see men pretty equal to dirt (how is that for honesty!). Ha.
No, really, that is how I felt.
And then I watched a movie with this guy friend D and while it was just a movie, I couldn’t help but continually look over at him and wonder…
Now, I will spare you all of the details, but like I have touched on before here, obviously at some point, the wondering became more than wonder alone, and fast-forward and here we are. And while, of course, April still being with us is the most unexpected thing, what D has done to my heart is a close second.
And, oh, what a conflict, considering our faith differences. I could write a whole post on it, from someone who
Yeah, I did give up my integrity for a man, and it was completely wrong. Yet, at the end of the day, I feel like D is the one thing I got right.
And last night as I sat on the couch next to him watching one random movie after another, to pass the time (I/we do a lot of that these days), I realized something incredible… D not only gets me, and I him, but he hears me and speaks to me even in the silences. If that isn’t love, I am not sure what is. See, I don’t just love D. I am in love with him.
So what is the problem, you ask?
Well, those faith differences. Those, are huge.
Oh, don’t you just wish we could magically make someone a Christian?
I do, because I love this guy I speak of and this would be a heck of a lot easier if him and I were doing this together, relationally, more than just as friends who have crossed lines.
But throughout all of this (in particular tonight) the question that God has continually put on my heart which has shown itself more than that wonder, those feelings and emotions is simply, “Who and/or what do you really love?”
And last night as D spoke to me in the silences and I looked at him and knew all the emotions behind my smile and my eyes, I was reminded that who I was (before I became a Christian) is no longer. Who I am in Christ is what is now. And that isn’t a one time change. It has been a change that has had to occur within meevery single day (at times, hourly, and even minute by minute) as I choose to allow Christ to be my first love.
Many of you have e-mailed and asked about what will happen in the future with D and I and I won't pretend to know the plans that God has for us. - Together? Apart? - I don't know, but He does and I can rest in that for tonight. Truth be told, I am in love with Him. I am also in love with him. But capital “H” beats little “h” every time.
It is worth the time to consider it... Isn't it? ... “Who and/or what do YOU really love?”
