Before I get to the "juicy" stuff... 2 quick things:
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1. Tomorrow is our second dose of "His will Wednesdays." Click here for all the details if you need them, and get your prayer requests to me via blog comment of e-mail by midnight tonight! (central time/U.S.A.)
1. Tomorrow is our second dose of "His will Wednesdays." Click here for all the details if you need them, and get your prayer requests to me via blog comment of e-mail by midnight tonight! (central time/U.S.A.)
2. A sweet blog reader named Juliana is going in for surgery tomorrow. She wanted to be included in tomorrow's H.W.W. post, but I also wanted to mention it here since her surgery is tomorrow. She has a heart condition that makes surgery risky, so please keep her in your prayers this evening and tomorrow. Juliana's blog can be found here.
Okay, on to the post! ...
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Who is D? ... How has he handled things? ... Are you two dating? ... Engaged? ... What is the deal? ... What does your relationship with him look like? ...
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Well, you may be surprised, but here goes...
Who is D? ... How has he handled things? ... Are you two dating? ... Engaged? ... What is the deal? ... What does your relationship with him look like? ...
.
Well, you may be surprised, but here goes...
.
D was that friend, who was a boy, who was just "too good to be true." You know the type? In short, yes, he was just my friend, but at times, I will admit, I wondered if things could, or would ever be more. I wanted them to be...
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I'll fast-forward through this next part and just say that obviously, eventually things did become, ahem, more. But to be blunt, the sex didn't last.
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When you cross those lines with a friend, at least for me there were a million questions. We were never dating. We were never really a couple. We were just friends who crossed a line. A big one. And as a Christian, I regretted it. And as someone without a faith background, he did not. My heart had never been so divided.
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We parted ways.
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D wanted in, and to be honest, I didn't trust myself with him, after those lines were crossed, and so I kept pushing him out.
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It hurt me.
.
It hurt him.
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I prayed it would all fade in time... (No, really, I did)...
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And then came the night, 3 months later in which I sat on the steps with him outside of his house twirling my birthstone ring around and around my finger, trying to search for my next words. He pulled his zipper up and down, and up and down the front of his coat. I can still hear his zipper, from that night. 45 minutes later and I am not sure what was said, but I do know that life changed.
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I was pregnant.
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Now, I have found that in many Christian circles there are people who believe that getting married is the best way to handle a pregnancy. I simply do not agree. But oh, I heard all of the “just get married” lines, as if marriage would “fix the problem.”
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Now can a girl who is standing there pregnant by a guy-friend she hasn’t even been around in months, really start spewing out words about what is Biblically right or wrong? Umm… Yes.
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We all sin, every day. Sure, pregnancy makes this particular sin very apparent, but just because I was, and I am, doesn’t mean I lose all faith and knowledge.
.
I had a friend in college who got pregnant and whose parents basically forced her to marry the Dad. It has been 5 years and they aren’t still married. And then of course there are those who have found themselves pregnant and unwed and went the marriage route, and could not be happier, or more in line today with what God wants.
.
Regardless of whatever stories I hear or know of, I believe that getting married for other reasons + the pregnancy = maybe. But I do not believe that getting married because of a pregnancy is the best way to handle a pregnancy. I find nowhere in scripture where God recommends anything close to that type of response.
.
For D and me, marriage was not our answer. Dating wasn’t either.
.
It made more sense to me, (and after some convincing of D) to just be honest with people that this baby is on the way, and as "un-traditionally" as we were handling it, it was our way, and from my point of view, what God would want. The Bible is pretty clear that we need to be open about our sin and make no attempt to cover it up; scarlet letter or secret sin.
.
And so here we are, with so much between us.
.
If our “mistakes” have taught me anything, it is that love isn’t black and white. Yes, love…
.
It does come when you least expect it and in many ways, it saves you. I can’t explain all of that right now, in this post, but I am sure some of you can relate.
.
In summary… Yes, I get a lot of questions both in real life and in the "blog world" from people who are curious what will happen in the end with us, or what I would like to see happen. I am not sure how to answer that other than to say that no matter what the future brings, I am both genuinely sorry and genuinely thankful for the mistakes we have made. And most of all, I am grateful that God has washed them white as snow and all that is left is this beautiful little girl whose parents love her like crazy.
.
I am thankful for a man who truly loves our daughter. A man who could have easily walked away at so many different stages of this journey.... You see, no matter what our futures hold, individually or collectively, we are a family today. And, mistakes aside, D and I have shared April’s life (so far) together. We have walked through tragedy, life, and the probable death of our girl, holding on to one another, loving each other and loving April more than words could ever express.
D was that friend, who was a boy, who was just "too good to be true." You know the type? In short, yes, he was just my friend, but at times, I will admit, I wondered if things could, or would ever be more. I wanted them to be...
.
I'll fast-forward through this next part and just say that obviously, eventually things did become, ahem, more. But to be blunt, the sex didn't last.
.
When you cross those lines with a friend, at least for me there were a million questions. We were never dating. We were never really a couple. We were just friends who crossed a line. A big one. And as a Christian, I regretted it. And as someone without a faith background, he did not. My heart had never been so divided.
.
We parted ways.
.
D wanted in, and to be honest, I didn't trust myself with him, after those lines were crossed, and so I kept pushing him out.
.
It hurt me.
.
It hurt him.
.
I prayed it would all fade in time... (No, really, I did)...
.
And then came the night, 3 months later in which I sat on the steps with him outside of his house twirling my birthstone ring around and around my finger, trying to search for my next words. He pulled his zipper up and down, and up and down the front of his coat. I can still hear his zipper, from that night. 45 minutes later and I am not sure what was said, but I do know that life changed.
.
I was pregnant.
.
Now, I have found that in many Christian circles there are people who believe that getting married is the best way to handle a pregnancy. I simply do not agree. But oh, I heard all of the “just get married” lines, as if marriage would “fix the problem.”
.
Now can a girl who is standing there pregnant by a guy-friend she hasn’t even been around in months, really start spewing out words about what is Biblically right or wrong? Umm… Yes.
.
We all sin, every day. Sure, pregnancy makes this particular sin very apparent, but just because I was, and I am, doesn’t mean I lose all faith and knowledge.
.
I had a friend in college who got pregnant and whose parents basically forced her to marry the Dad. It has been 5 years and they aren’t still married. And then of course there are those who have found themselves pregnant and unwed and went the marriage route, and could not be happier, or more in line today with what God wants.
.
Regardless of whatever stories I hear or know of, I believe that getting married for other reasons + the pregnancy = maybe. But I do not believe that getting married because of a pregnancy is the best way to handle a pregnancy. I find nowhere in scripture where God recommends anything close to that type of response.
.
For D and me, marriage was not our answer. Dating wasn’t either.
.
It made more sense to me, (and after some convincing of D) to just be honest with people that this baby is on the way, and as "un-traditionally" as we were handling it, it was our way, and from my point of view, what God would want. The Bible is pretty clear that we need to be open about our sin and make no attempt to cover it up; scarlet letter or secret sin.
.
And so here we are, with so much between us.
.
If our “mistakes” have taught me anything, it is that love isn’t black and white. Yes, love…
.
It does come when you least expect it and in many ways, it saves you. I can’t explain all of that right now, in this post, but I am sure some of you can relate.
.
In summary… Yes, I get a lot of questions both in real life and in the "blog world" from people who are curious what will happen in the end with us, or what I would like to see happen. I am not sure how to answer that other than to say that no matter what the future brings, I am both genuinely sorry and genuinely thankful for the mistakes we have made. And most of all, I am grateful that God has washed them white as snow and all that is left is this beautiful little girl whose parents love her like crazy.
.
I am thankful for a man who truly loves our daughter. A man who could have easily walked away at so many different stages of this journey.... You see, no matter what our futures hold, individually or collectively, we are a family today. And, mistakes aside, D and I have shared April’s life (so far) together. We have walked through tragedy, life, and the probable death of our girl, holding on to one another, loving each other and loving April more than words could ever express.
.
And I've gotta say, I think that is pretty amazing when you think that only months ago we were little more than a boy and a girl who crossed a line...
