(Thank you, sweet blog reader, Samantha! - April's name
written on the sands in Devon, United Kingdom.)
...
What is a miracle?
Well, according to Merriam-Webster:
1: an extraordinary event manifesting divine intervention in human affairs
2: an extremely outstanding or unusual event, thing, or accomplishment
3: a divinely natural phenomenon experienced humanly as the fulfillment of spiritual law
According to me:
My daughter.
Am I biased? Hmm... Maybe. But, I don't think so.
Many asked here about April's name. Others have e-mailed as well and asked why I chose to name her April Rose. I have touched on this before, but never in detail like this...
So, for starters, I love "flower" and "season/month" names. (Is that strange?) Some of my favorites: Autumn, Summer, Rose and Lily. For quite a while, I was thinking my girl would be a "Lily"...
In fact, back in March I had it narrowed down to "April" and "Lily." D and I talked about it a bit, though, he let me ultimately choose. I still think "Lily" is beautiful and it was a (very) close second choice, but "April" took the top spot when in March our Dr. and Genetic Counselor told us that we were "very close to meeting her." Initially I just thought it would be really special to have my April girl, named "April Rose," and with all the Dr.'s assumptions and my own fears, I believed their word, and "April" it was.
.
2 months later and that name choice has come to mean more than I could have ever imagined.
.
See, we all know that April Rose was not an April baby. But April changed my life.
.
April was the month that my faith, my priorities, my existence, entirely, changed. I am a completely different person today, and if I'm honest with myself, I would not chose to return to the person I was before. - Renewed faith, a kicking little girl, a faster heart rate, a smile on the sonogram screen. Oh, April has come to be the definition of a miracle to me.
I haven't always been as strong (and again, I don't feel too brave or strong anyways) as I am today. Even when I chose to start blogging... I was much more afraid, and was still grasping at my own plans, not His. I wanted my miracle. My entire concept of hope was little more than what I wanted. My hope was not in Him.
April, both the month and my girl have changed who I am. And blogging about my thoughts, what is on my heart and what the Lord is doing in my life, despite the accusations and those Mr. Anonymous comments, has taught me that life isn't about being sinless, or ever eloquent... Life isn't about my wants and my hopes... It isn't even about if April lives or dies... It is about being faithful. Always.
And in tears, as I write this, I have to say that though I am far from perfect, I know what it is like to trust Him, when it hurts so much, and life makes no sense. And, I am oddly thankful that I know what that is like.
April Rose will be a June baby. That is a miracle. And every day for the rest of my life, regardless of what happens, I will know and live that.
June?!
That was "impossible." And yet, it is (unless, April comes in the next 2 hours!).
"April" will be a month that I will never live out the days of, the same. Ever. Because every April, whether I am strolling my little girl down the street, or walking hand in hand with her on this earth, or visiting a grave marker, it is the month I started to really live this life.
And "Rose" is a symbol of love and beauty, and there isn't anything more beautiful, or anything I love more, on this earth, than my girl. Rose is also the past tense of "rise," and if April meets our Maker before what we would like to think is "her time," well, besides how much I will love imagining the smile on Jesus' face when He welcomes April home, I will love knowing that my April Rose, rose.
Well, according to Merriam-Webster:
1: an extraordinary event manifesting divine intervention in human affairs
2: an extremely outstanding or unusual event, thing, or accomplishment
3: a divinely natural phenomenon experienced humanly as the fulfillment of spiritual law
According to me:
My daughter.
Am I biased? Hmm... Maybe. But, I don't think so.
Many asked here about April's name. Others have e-mailed as well and asked why I chose to name her April Rose. I have touched on this before, but never in detail like this...
So, for starters, I love "flower" and "season/month" names. (Is that strange?) Some of my favorites: Autumn, Summer, Rose and Lily. For quite a while, I was thinking my girl would be a "Lily"...
In fact, back in March I had it narrowed down to "April" and "Lily." D and I talked about it a bit, though, he let me ultimately choose. I still think "Lily" is beautiful and it was a (very) close second choice, but "April" took the top spot when in March our Dr. and Genetic Counselor told us that we were "very close to meeting her." Initially I just thought it would be really special to have my April girl, named "April Rose," and with all the Dr.'s assumptions and my own fears, I believed their word, and "April" it was.
.
2 months later and that name choice has come to mean more than I could have ever imagined.
.
See, we all know that April Rose was not an April baby. But April changed my life.
.
April was the month that my faith, my priorities, my existence, entirely, changed. I am a completely different person today, and if I'm honest with myself, I would not chose to return to the person I was before. - Renewed faith, a kicking little girl, a faster heart rate, a smile on the sonogram screen. Oh, April has come to be the definition of a miracle to me.
I haven't always been as strong (and again, I don't feel too brave or strong anyways) as I am today. Even when I chose to start blogging... I was much more afraid, and was still grasping at my own plans, not His. I wanted my miracle. My entire concept of hope was little more than what I wanted. My hope was not in Him.
April, both the month and my girl have changed who I am. And blogging about my thoughts, what is on my heart and what the Lord is doing in my life, despite the accusations and those Mr. Anonymous comments, has taught me that life isn't about being sinless, or ever eloquent... Life isn't about my wants and my hopes... It isn't even about if April lives or dies... It is about being faithful. Always.
And in tears, as I write this, I have to say that though I am far from perfect, I know what it is like to trust Him, when it hurts so much, and life makes no sense. And, I am oddly thankful that I know what that is like.
April Rose will be a June baby. That is a miracle. And every day for the rest of my life, regardless of what happens, I will know and live that.
June?!
That was "impossible." And yet, it is (unless, April comes in the next 2 hours!).
"April" will be a month that I will never live out the days of, the same. Ever. Because every April, whether I am strolling my little girl down the street, or walking hand in hand with her on this earth, or visiting a grave marker, it is the month I started to really live this life.
And "Rose" is a symbol of love and beauty, and there isn't anything more beautiful, or anything I love more, on this earth, than my girl. Rose is also the past tense of "rise," and if April meets our Maker before what we would like to think is "her time," well, besides how much I will love imagining the smile on Jesus' face when He welcomes April home, I will love knowing that my April Rose, rose.
